Heh, at first I was like “Err.. it’s an error page you gave me the wrong link” then I read closer 😛
Re: you need a laugh
what does ” 😛 ” mean, i’ve seen it before, i am clueless?? much like any thing involving women in my life…
Re: you need a laugh
It’s a face with it’s tongue sticking out.. tilt your head to the left!
hi beverly 🙂 you don’t know me but I just want to say that I was really touched when I read your entry. Many times I’ve almost broken up with my boyfriend (but not because of religious or cultural issues), but I’ve learnt now that we love each other too much to let anything get in between us, and now we love each other even more. If you are sure that this is the guy you want to be with for the rest of your life, don’t break up, love will make you strong enough to work things out.
hey
Bev,
What a response by your journal readers! Looks like you will have a lot of responses to make. Very lengthy responses here.
I’ll make mine short. My boyfriend of 3 years is not catholic. I am. I’ve been freaking out about it for 3 years not because of our cultural differences, but what the children will be raised if we get married. I want them catholic. He wants them jewish or nothing. You must also consider the children factor. That might be the hardest issue to address. For me it is. I decided to be brave. To maybe be the first one in my family to marry outside the religion. I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason. If you two break-up, and then a few years later maybe you land a job near him and you two reunited, etc etc etc. God has reasons for things to happen. Trust God. Trust fate. Go day by day & do not stress.
PS: i LOOOOOOVE your Ikea bed! It’s absolutely fabulous – and the space it saves is great!
Re: hey
Hey it’s so nice to hear from so many people that they’ve been dating 2 years, 3 years, etc.. I don’t really know how old you guys are, but very few of my friends are in relationships that have lasted for years. Your dilemma is very similar to mine – I worry what will happen if we do get married and have children.. I think I need a partner that will support my religion with me and go to church with me and pray together – maybe I’m weak, but I don’t think I can do that by myself. Hopefully everything will work out:)
Heh, at first I was like “Err.. it’s an error page you gave me the wrong link” then I read closer 😛
Re: you need a laugh
what does ” 😛 ” mean, i’ve seen it before, i am clueless?? much like any thing involving women in my life…
Re: you need a laugh
It’s a face with it’s tongue sticking out.. tilt your head to the left!
hi beverly 🙂 you don’t know me but I just want to say that I was really touched when I read your entry. Many times I’ve almost broken up with my boyfriend (but not because of religious or cultural issues), but I’ve learnt now that we love each other too much to let anything get in between us, and now we love each other even more. If you are sure that this is the guy you want to be with for the rest of your life, don’t break up, love will make you strong enough to work things out.
hey
Bev,
What a response by your journal readers! Looks like you will have a lot of responses to make. Very lengthy responses here.
I’ll make mine short. My boyfriend of 3 years is not catholic. I am. I’ve been freaking out about it for 3 years not because of our cultural differences, but what the children will be raised if we get married. I want them catholic. He wants them jewish or nothing. You must also consider the children factor. That might be the hardest issue to address. For me it is. I decided to be brave. To maybe be the first one in my family to marry outside the religion. I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason. If you two break-up, and then a few years later maybe you land a job near him and you two reunited, etc etc etc. God has reasons for things to happen. Trust God. Trust fate. Go day by day & do not stress.
PS: i LOOOOOOVE your Ikea bed! It’s absolutely fabulous – and the space it saves is great!
Re: hey
Hey it’s so nice to hear from so many people that they’ve been dating 2 years, 3 years, etc.. I don’t really know how old you guys are, but very few of my friends are in relationships that have lasted for years. Your dilemma is very similar to mine – I worry what will happen if we do get married and have children.. I think I need a partner that will support my religion with me and go to church with me and pray together – maybe I’m weak, but I don’t think I can do that by myself. Hopefully everything will work out:)
Hiya Bev:)
I’m so so sorry that you and Chris have to face this especially since you both obviously love each other so much. I don’t know what the other issues are but as far as cultural difference goes thats really up to both of you to decide if thats going to be a problem for you. I mean, I’ve seen photos of you and Chris with your parents so I presume your family knows abt him. If thats the case then why should “culture” force you apart? Its the 21st century girl and though culture is important its also basically to respcet each others culture. You guys have been going out for so long that I’m sure that you and Chris would have had alot of exposure to each others culture,right?
As for religion, here’s my family’s little “international” history. My dad’s sister’s children are married to…a Portugese(Catholic),Chinese,Inonesian(Muslim) and Malay(Muslim).My cousin sister on my mom’s side (Hindu)is married to a German(Catholic).I have 2 other cousin brothers (Catholic),my dad’s side married to Singhalese women and another married to an Indian Muslim:)
My dad(Catholic) married my mom(Hindu) in a Hindu ceromony,to respect my mom’s mothers wishes. Went to church every Sunday. My mom, used to go to the temle and my sis and I followed both my mom and Dad.And no we did not grow up confused. My mom, found herself drwn to the Catholic fate and converted when I was 13 yrs old (14 yrs of marriage)and she said that she would like us to follow the Catholic faith So my sister and I got baptised when I was 9 yrs. old.
I’m a Catholic and am married to a Hindu. We got married the traditional Hindu way.We still ahve to get our marriage blessed by a Catholic priest,and my hubby doesn’t mind it coz he respects that I’m a Catholic. We have 2 alters at home..a Hindu one and one for me.
I’ve never been a strong church goer but I do pray to God in my heart and talk to Him. I know my faith is strong and I belive in God and Jesus. But, I also respect that my husband has his belief in his religion.
As a Hindu, they also have a lot of culture and traditional things but I do go along with it becoz my faith in my religion is strong and no one is putting a gun to my head to do them.
I don’t know if this will help, but consider you and Chris really well before you make up your mind,ok.
Take care…and whatever you decide,remeber itas your life and do what you need to.
Hugs:)
Shree
Hi Shree,
Our cultural issues aren’t too much of a problem because he’s not extremely Australian and I’m not extremely Singaporean.. we’re both somewhere in the middle. The only problem is where to live since our families/relatives are from 2 different countries. But even before that is the problem that my church won’t marry a Christian and non-CHristian, and just going off to another church to get married isn’t an option for me :T Also, we know there are a lot of problems between inter-religious marriages – so should we take the risk considering so many other marriages that take this risk end up in tatters? I think it’s important for a couple to be compatible emotionally, physically and spiritually.. take 1 aspect away, and will that relationship work out?
I think i’ts so wonderful your dad went to church with your mum to support her though! I would really love that IF I were to marry a non-Christian. But I really would not settle for just taking my kids to church while my husband sleeps at home – I’d feel like a single mother and not like I have a family. I don’t know if that’s being selfish of me, but I always envision a lovely family at church and not just a mother bringing her kids while the dad stays back at home.. I just don’t think I can survive that heartache :T
Hi Bev:)
Just read your latest entry and I guess you and Chris have pretty much decided to do something abt your future. So that’s good:)
As for your vision of the “perfect family going to church”….well all I can say is that you know what you want and a vision of something is cool but sometimes what you want may not be what you need?
But, like I said, don’t let waht everyone say affect you so much,afterall,its yours and Chris’s life. Just take what everyone has said and try and see if it can help a little. I it can’t don’t worry,your heart will know what to do:)
All the best and hugs to you:)
Shree
Yeah, we’ll just consider our options and try them out and go from there.. and if we were meant to be together, then we will 🙂
Hiya Bev:)
I’m so so sorry that you and Chris have to face this especially since you both obviously love each other so much. I don’t know what the other issues are but as far as cultural difference goes thats really up to both of you to decide if thats going to be a problem for you. I mean, I’ve seen photos of you and Chris with your parents so I presume your family knows abt him. If thats the case then why should “culture” force you apart? Its the 21st century girl and though culture is important its also basically to respcet each others culture. You guys have been going out for so long that I’m sure that you and Chris would have had alot of exposure to each others culture,right?
As for religion, here’s my family’s little “international” history. My dad’s sister’s children are married to…a Portugese(Catholic),Chinese,Inonesian(Muslim) and Malay(Muslim).My cousin sister on my mom’s side (Hindu)is married to a German(Catholic).I have 2 other cousin brothers (Catholic),my dad’s side married to Singhalese women and another married to an Indian Muslim:)
My dad(Catholic) married my mom(Hindu) in a Hindu ceromony,to respect my mom’s mothers wishes. Went to church every Sunday. My mom, used to go to the temle and my sis and I followed both my mom and Dad.And no we did not grow up confused. My mom, found herself drwn to the Catholic fate and converted when I was 13 yrs old (14 yrs of marriage)and she said that she would like us to follow the Catholic faith So my sister and I got baptised when I was 9 yrs. old.
I’m a Catholic and am married to a Hindu. We got married the traditional Hindu way.We still ahve to get our marriage blessed by a Catholic priest,and my hubby doesn’t mind it coz he respects that I’m a Catholic. We have 2 alters at home..a Hindu one and one for me.
I’ve never been a strong church goer but I do pray to God in my heart and talk to Him. I know my faith is strong and I belive in God and Jesus. But, I also respect that my husband has his belief in his religion.
As a Hindu, they also have a lot of culture and traditional things but I do go along with it becoz my faith in my religion is strong and no one is putting a gun to my head to do them.
I don’t know if this will help, but consider you and Chris really well before you make up your mind,ok.
Take care…and whatever you decide,remeber itas your life and do what you need to.
Hugs:)
Shree
Hi Shree,
Our cultural issues aren’t too much of a problem because he’s not extremely Australian and I’m not extremely Singaporean.. we’re both somewhere in the middle. The only problem is where to live since our families/relatives are from 2 different countries. But even before that is the problem that my church won’t marry a Christian and non-CHristian, and just going off to another church to get married isn’t an option for me :T Also, we know there are a lot of problems between inter-religious marriages – so should we take the risk considering so many other marriages that take this risk end up in tatters? I think it’s important for a couple to be compatible emotionally, physically and spiritually.. take 1 aspect away, and will that relationship work out?
I think i’ts so wonderful your dad went to church with your mum to support her though! I would really love that IF I were to marry a non-Christian. But I really would not settle for just taking my kids to church while my husband sleeps at home – I’d feel like a single mother and not like I have a family. I don’t know if that’s being selfish of me, but I always envision a lovely family at church and not just a mother bringing her kids while the dad stays back at home.. I just don’t think I can survive that heartache :T
Hi Bev:)
Just read your latest entry and I guess you and Chris have pretty much decided to do something abt your future. So that’s good:)
As for your vision of the “perfect family going to church”….well all I can say is that you know what you want and a vision of something is cool but sometimes what you want may not be what you need?
But, like I said, don’t let waht everyone say affect you so much,afterall,its yours and Chris’s life. Just take what everyone has said and try and see if it can help a little. I it can’t don’t worry,your heart will know what to do:)
All the best and hugs to you:)
Shree
Yeah, we’ll just consider our options and try them out and go from there.. and if we were meant to be together, then we will 🙂
my sitcho
Here’s my point of view…even though I’m not in your relationship I’m going to comment on it since I’ve read your journals over the years and it seems like you two are really in love. Hehe. If you love him, like if you *REALLY* love this kid, it doesnt’ matter what religion, color, background or *whatever* he is. True love doesn’t always come in the right package but you have to take it for what it is. I was in a relationship 3 years ago, I moved away and couldn’t deal with the long distance (that was our obstacle) and we just kind of gave up on it. That was a huge mistake because now I realize just how important to me he really was. You never know what you have until it’s gone…an old saying but still so true. I’d give anything to get that back. We still talk about having a future together which is something that really helps but still…”dont let real love pass you by”…because cupid might not strike more than once! Good luck to you on whatever you decide, after all it’s your life and not mine! xoxo
Re: my sitcho
We do really really love each other, but sometimes something as big as religion will cause issues especially after you get married – I’ve seen it in too many couples to ignore it :T And also the fact that our church won’t marry a non-Christian and Christian and I’m expected to get married there so I can’t just run off and get married elsewhere, y’know? But we’ve talked heaps over the past week and both said that we WANT to be with each other and so we’re just going to explore our various options.. and if in the end we think it’s for the better if don’t stay together, then at least it won’t be such a *shock* to us if we break up.. and we can say that we tried and maybe it’s just best if it’s that way. but if we DO end up staying together, then we’ll be even happier that we overcame our issues 🙂
Hi again Bev,
Just something I forgot to say the other time …
I’m also on LDR right now, and we have kept this relationship for nearly three years! I believe that if you really love each other, and you really want to stay together, there will be a way. 🙂
Just keep your spirits up. I hope it all turns out well.
3 years? wow! I don’t think I could have a long-distance relationship.. it’ll be too painful for me :T But hopefully Chris and I won’t have to deal with that if we can time it such that we go back to SIngapore together in a couple of years.. but that’s why we have to decide what we want for our future – if we really can’t be together forever then he shouldn’t come to Singapore with me because it’s too much of a big move if it’s a definite dead end for us :T
Hey Bev,
Saw you walk past at uni today – I was going to say hi, but was too worried I’d seem like a crazy stalker! Near the Matthews Theatres, at lunchtime.
So yeah. 🙂
Megan allthings @ bigpond.com
Heh, you should’ve said hi Megan! Err… I wasn’t doing anything embarassing was I? PRobably just rushing to my lecture, late as usual 😉
Yep, you looked like you were in a rush! So I thought I’d just leave you alone 🙂 Plus I was half rushing, too.
Megan
Heh i’m always rushing around Uni 😛 What year are you in and what course dyou do?
I’m a little first year 🙂 I do Media and Communications, and I’m studying media, history, english and film.
my sitcho
Here’s my point of view…even though I’m not in your relationship I’m going to comment on it since I’ve read your journals over the years and it seems like you two are really in love. Hehe. If you love him, like if you *REALLY* love this kid, it doesnt’ matter what religion, color, background or *whatever* he is. True love doesn’t always come in the right package but you have to take it for what it is. I was in a relationship 3 years ago, I moved away and couldn’t deal with the long distance (that was our obstacle) and we just kind of gave up on it. That was a huge mistake because now I realize just how important to me he really was. You never know what you have until it’s gone…an old saying but still so true. I’d give anything to get that back. We still talk about having a future together which is something that really helps but still…”dont let real love pass you by”…because cupid might not strike more than once! Good luck to you on whatever you decide, after all it’s your life and not mine! xoxo
Re: my sitcho
We do really really love each other, but sometimes something as big as religion will cause issues especially after you get married – I’ve seen it in too many couples to ignore it :T And also the fact that our church won’t marry a non-Christian and Christian and I’m expected to get married there so I can’t just run off and get married elsewhere, y’know? But we’ve talked heaps over the past week and both said that we WANT to be with each other and so we’re just going to explore our various options.. and if in the end we think it’s for the better if don’t stay together, then at least it won’t be such a *shock* to us if we break up.. and we can say that we tried and maybe it’s just best if it’s that way. but if we DO end up staying together, then we’ll be even happier that we overcame our issues 🙂
Hi again Bev,
Just something I forgot to say the other time …
I’m also on LDR right now, and we have kept this relationship for nearly three years! I believe that if you really love each other, and you really want to stay together, there will be a way. 🙂
Just keep your spirits up. I hope it all turns out well.
3 years? wow! I don’t think I could have a long-distance relationship.. it’ll be too painful for me :T But hopefully Chris and I won’t have to deal with that if we can time it such that we go back to SIngapore together in a couple of years.. but that’s why we have to decide what we want for our future – if we really can’t be together forever then he shouldn’t come to Singapore with me because it’s too much of a big move if it’s a definite dead end for us :T
hi bev, i’m on a LDR now also and i suppose there are some sacrifies to be made you wanted this relationship badly. You guys sounded like you had a great time together and stuff…perhaps u may consider staying in australia with him, since singapore isnt a great distance away and a bright student like you wouldnt have problems doing well in sydney =) then again, if there is any obligations in singapore that you cannot ignore, you guys would have to endure the LD part. Many couples usually have a talk in the possibilites of break-up due to distance, but most of them ended up staying together, cuz it’s simply too painful to let go. sigh…i hate LDRs.
just a passer-by.
Yeah.. our home countries are also an issue, but we kind of have that figured out ‘cos I intend to work here in Australia for a couple of years, then work and have children in Singapore, and then retire back in Australia. I think Singapore’s a great place to work ‘cos there’s low tax and the whole country’s very business-orientated.. and Australia’s a wonderful place to retire and live because it’s relaxed and a beautiful country. It’s going to be hard for Chris to go to Singapore though, because he just can’t apply for PR like I can here, so he’ll need a company that will sponsor him there.. we’ll get over that hurdle when it comes!
get married first hehe. then get PR in singapore hehe.
by the way, is it easy to get a PR in ozzie if you study there?
*lol* well we could, but I’d prefer not to get married just because of that! And yeah, it’s really easy to get PR here because I’ve already studied here and I’ve checked and I qualify for it. I’lll probably get it anyway so I can work here if I choose to..
*hugs* Beverly *hugs*
-kim(sheila) xoxo
Hey Bev,
Saw you walk past at uni today – I was going to say hi, but was too worried I’d seem like a crazy stalker! Near the Matthews Theatres, at lunchtime.
So yeah. 🙂
Megan allthings @ bigpond.com
Heh, you should’ve said hi Megan! Err… I wasn’t doing anything embarassing was I? PRobably just rushing to my lecture, late as usual 😉
Yep, you looked like you were in a rush! So I thought I’d just leave you alone 🙂 Plus I was half rushing, too.
Megan
Heh i’m always rushing around Uni 😛 What year are you in and what course dyou do?
I’m a little first year 🙂 I do Media and Communications, and I’m studying media, history, english and film.
oh bev…
Hey,
I don’t think you’ll believe it if i say I’ve spent the last 2 days crying over my boy… Yesterday was the best and worst day put together in one. Me and James have been together for 2 years and a bit and we actually broke up on Thursday but after bucketloads of tears and apologies, we got back together yesterday and I couldn’t be happier.
So if you ever feel sad or anything, you know you’re not alone sweetie 🙂 And if you feel that Chris is the love of your life, don’t let it slip man… you will only regret it.
Good luck with whatever happens ok! I’ll be thinking of you.
x
Re: oh bev…
Wow, I’m glad you and James worked it out and got back together.. I suppose it’s easy to just think a relationship is going well and be happy, but we also need to think of the future in case there are issues that may prevent, or make it hard, for 2 people to be together..
hi bev, i’m on a LDR now also and i suppose there are some sacrifies to be made you wanted this relationship badly. You guys sounded like you had a great time together and stuff…perhaps u may consider staying in australia with him, since singapore isnt a great distance away and a bright student like you wouldnt have problems doing well in sydney =) then again, if there is any obligations in singapore that you cannot ignore, you guys would have to endure the LD part. Many couples usually have a talk in the possibilites of break-up due to distance, but most of them ended up staying together, cuz it’s simply too painful to let go. sigh…i hate LDRs.
just a passer-by.
Yeah.. our home countries are also an issue, but we kind of have that figured out ‘cos I intend to work here in Australia for a couple of years, then work and have children in Singapore, and then retire back in Australia. I think Singapore’s a great place to work ‘cos there’s low tax and the whole country’s very business-orientated.. and Australia’s a wonderful place to retire and live because it’s relaxed and a beautiful country. It’s going to be hard for Chris to go to Singapore though, because he just can’t apply for PR like I can here, so he’ll need a company that will sponsor him there.. we’ll get over that hurdle when it comes!
get married first hehe. then get PR in singapore hehe.
by the way, is it easy to get a PR in ozzie if you study there?
*lol* well we could, but I’d prefer not to get married just because of that! And yeah, it’s really easy to get PR here because I’ve already studied here and I’ve checked and I qualify for it. I’lll probably get it anyway so I can work here if I choose to..
*hugs* Beverly *hugs*
-kim(sheila) xoxo
oh bev…
Hey,
I don’t think you’ll believe it if i say I’ve spent the last 2 days crying over my boy… Yesterday was the best and worst day put together in one. Me and James have been together for 2 years and a bit and we actually broke up on Thursday but after bucketloads of tears and apologies, we got back together yesterday and I couldn’t be happier.
So if you ever feel sad or anything, you know you’re not alone sweetie 🙂 And if you feel that Chris is the love of your life, don’t let it slip man… you will only regret it.
Good luck with whatever happens ok! I’ll be thinking of you.
x
Re: oh bev…
Wow, I’m glad you and James worked it out and got back together.. I suppose it’s easy to just think a relationship is going well and be happy, but we also need to think of the future in case there are issues that may prevent, or make it hard, for 2 people to be together..
Hi beverly, i’m more or less in the same situation as you now. Am singaporean studying in aust as well with a bf who is australian. I’m graduating middle of this yr and don’t know what is installed for me as to whether i’m going bak to sg or staying in aust. Same goes for religion as well…the differences. *sigh* I’m in as much a dilemma as you I can say. I remember you saying you might get pr in aust before right? are you still considering pr?
Anyhows I sincerely wish you and Chris all the best in your decisions.
…from someone who stubbled upon your journal online and enjoys reading it! =)
Hey I’m graduating mid-year too.. we sound like we’re in similar situations re: home country and religion. I’ll probably apply for PR here because I intend to work here for a couple of years before going back to Singapore,and that way I still get to keep my Singaporean citizenship, so that’s good.. never give up your SG citizenship though, it’s way too valuable! 🙂
*hugs* I’m sure things will get better, they always do 🙂
Be strong…
Hope I don’t freak you out, by saying that I’ve been reading your jaournal all these while. Followed your trail all the way from MUA 🙂 I have to thank you for inspiring me to have my own journal now.
ALways though you and Chris had been a really sweet couple, and had admired you guys for being so loving, even with all the cultural difference. So this entry really came as a shock to me.
Had a friend who broke up with her bf due to her being a Christian, and him not. The irony is, after the breakup, he went to church on his accord and became a Christian. And she is now happily attached to someone from church.
You never know what’s in store for you…guess it all depends on where your priorities lies.
Re: Be strong…
Oooh cool, fellw MUA-er and from SIngapore too! 🙂 Yeah, the whole weekend has been a real shock to us – but I suppose we needed to discuss this soooner than later – better than leaving it for another few years. It’s so good to hear your friend’s ex-boyfriend ended up becoming a Christian though, God works in many ways! 🙂
Hi beverly, i’m more or less in the same situation as you now. Am singaporean studying in aust as well with a bf who is australian. I’m graduating middle of this yr and don’t know what is installed for me as to whether i’m going bak to sg or staying in aust. Same goes for religion as well…the differences. *sigh* I’m in as much a dilemma as you I can say. I remember you saying you might get pr in aust before right? are you still considering pr?
Anyhows I sincerely wish you and Chris all the best in your decisions.
…from someone who stubbled upon your journal online and enjoys reading it! =)
Hey I’m graduating mid-year too.. we sound like we’re in similar situations re: home country and religion. I’ll probably apply for PR here because I intend to work here for a couple of years before going back to Singapore,and that way I still get to keep my Singaporean citizenship, so that’s good.. never give up your SG citizenship though, it’s way too valuable! 🙂
gess i cannot belive this bad news. im here for you if you ever need a shoulder to cry on.
Thanks girl *hugs* Relationships are so hard sometimes.. I hope we work it out :T
me too because you are a very nice girl BTW I sent you an email about this.
*hugs* I’m sure things will get better, they always do 🙂
Be strong…
Hope I don’t freak you out, by saying that I’ve been reading your jaournal all these while. Followed your trail all the way from MUA 🙂 I have to thank you for inspiring me to have my own journal now.
ALways though you and Chris had been a really sweet couple, and had admired you guys for being so loving, even with all the cultural difference. So this entry really came as a shock to me.
Had a friend who broke up with her bf due to her being a Christian, and him not. The irony is, after the breakup, he went to church on his accord and became a Christian. And she is now happily attached to someone from church.
You never know what’s in store for you…guess it all depends on where your priorities lies.
Re: Be strong…
Oooh cool, fellw MUA-er and from SIngapore too! 🙂 Yeah, the whole weekend has been a real shock to us – but I suppose we needed to discuss this soooner than later – better than leaving it for another few years. It’s so good to hear your friend’s ex-boyfriend ended up becoming a Christian though, God works in many ways! 🙂
I hope all turns out well, Bev. I think you should just follow your hearts, go with the flow and let come what may. All the best, yah.
Hi Beverly. Obviously I don’t know the exact situation that you and Chris are in, but I want to say that you two have always seemed to be an incredibly great couple together, and I hope everything works out for the best. 😉
Aww thanks! I’d like to think we’re a great couple too.. and I love how we never fight and just know each other better than we know ourselves. I hope we work it out 🙂
gess i cannot belive this bad news. im here for you if you ever need a shoulder to cry on.
Thanks girl *hugs* Relationships are so hard sometimes.. I hope we work it out :T
me too because you are a very nice girl BTW I sent you an email about this.
oh dear. i don’t know what to say. *hugs*
hope things work out!
Thanks.. 🙂 Thanks week has been absolutely HELL for both of us, with our emotions going up and down like nothing else. But hopefully we’ll work it out for better or for worse..
I was involved in two relationships where there was a clash of religions. The first guy told me, after 3 years together, that he didn’t see us working out as a couple because of difference in religion. The second guy told me the same thing. Even though I had never stopped them from going to church, and in fact, encouraged them to be more spiritual. The second guy could tell me that “christians should not be yoked with non-believers” and continue to do un-christian things, and then next found a new partner who was even more against his religion and stopped him from going to church. I saw that as an ultimate betrayal. All the best. from sarah.
Aww I”m sorry that happened to you, especially with the second guy 🙁 Has that stopped you from dating someone from a different religion? If Chris and I *do* break up, I think I will only date Christians from now to spare both of us the heartache later in life..
I think you should just follow your heart(him too). I won’t say anything about religion because after all, both of you have been together for ages. Since you can make it this far, why not continue trying? No point breaking up when you haven’t even tried. That’s my opinion anyway. Both of you might actually work out LD-wise or come up with a good solution of being together when the right time comes? It’s just sad to see a happy so-in-love couple part ways due to factors such as distance, background and religion.
Amen, you said it best. Don’t do it because you feel you have to. Even the most starcrossed of lovers find a way to be together in the end (well..just don’t drink poison or anything ^~)
Heh, well, at least our parents aren’t enemies and trying to kill each other.. so that’s a good thing 😛
The reason we don’t want to keep dating IF there’s *no* chance we can get married is because it’s unfair on both of us.. kind of like hanging onto each other when either of us could really find someone that we CAN marry in the future.. But it’s also the hardest thing to do, because how can you move away from someone you love so much?
That would be sad that something that in the long run, is as trivial
as religion, would break up a wonderful couple. And as in trivial I mean
aesthetically. Beliefs and spirituality are in our hearts, not a church..
;-;
the other side
i’m not writing this to be controversial
but to bring up a very relavant point as seen from.. let’s say the other side..
abt the religious issue.. i know that you will be referring to Christianity here..
believe me.. i have had 2 years of continuous intense internal debate about the whole thing.
which ultimately led to the loss of perhaps the most perfect match on my part..
i’ve thought it through from any angle i can think of
i’ve read the bible, talked to christians, non-christians, even some leaders etc…
my opinion is that although the concept of a non-christian/christian relationship CAN work… i mean obviously.. quite a few of us would have had Christian parents who weren’t christian at the start anyway… or at least a spouse who wasn’t…
but it was always a big no-no in the Bible.. always led to disasterous consequences..
even the pple i’ve talked to who are married said they would never do that again and they had to suffer so much and lose so much to go through the whole process…
the ‘process’ i’m referring to is the life they’ve had to live with their spouses before they turned christian, and the pain and perhaps silent suffering… especially if they really love God
i think the only reason it worked out in the end is that God is forgiving…
honestly i dont think bringing a person to Christ via a relationship is a valid point..
there’s too much other stuff underlying it to really know if that person wants to turn to God for himself rather than just for you…
the way i see it now is even if i really like someone, i will bring that person to church first before i start anything rather than if ever..
b’cos if in the 90% that it doesnt work out.. you could’ve cost someone to turn away from God for a long time before they ever thought about turning back… not implying that you could directly affect whether a person got saved of course..
(warning potential confrontation stimulus below!)
and yes i am saying so long as that person isn’t Christian you shouldnt give it a shot at all. that’s not being judgemental, i’m not saying not to have a friend, or not try to bring them to Christ, I’m saying that you shouldn’t get involved with that person, because half the time they bring you away from God rather than the other way around.. it’s all over the Bible! The classic verse of course is the ‘do not be yoked with unbelievers’ thingy in Corinthians
Anyway, one of the real fears is that if it does work out, can u be sure that the person loves God, or loves you too much such that they’re willing to
pseudo-love God? What happens if u die first? will they stay with GOd? or just get ‘lost’ again. And if you have kids? Will they end up influencing
them away from God as well? Sometimes human love is a really blinding thing.. and until its not there anymore.. you can’t really see what each other’s real relationship with God is… how would you feel if u realised after 10 years of marriage ur husband really didn’t much give a damn about God and was just playing along?can u face the thought of that person ending up in hell?
very morbid and perhaps jaded out-look you might say.. but isn’t it reality? That’s what getting into a serious relationship with someone i was incredibly fond of made me think about… how much was i willing to give up.
well advice is all im good for anyway.. but from experience i know that pple never listen.
i know i never did..
i came up with every stupid excuse for 2 years…
and even more once it ended for the next year on why i shouldn’t have done it..
but that’s all they were.. excuses..
i’m glad God drew me out of it.. before anything more drastic happened..
everyone’s gotta learn the hard way i guess :
Re: the other side
Im all for what you say.
It all depends on individual’s stands… no point trying to “psycho” each other and convince each other. If one party is a Christian, and truly wants to work his/her own “salvation with fear and trembling”… then I guess he/she shd just turn to the Bible .. the Word of God has every answer..
Beverly, give it a good thought yah? =)
Re: the other side
Yeah I agree with that.. we can’t go and try and convince each other to ditch our beliefs. But it’s SO hard to decide what to do when we love each other and really want to be with each other.. yet our religious beliefs dictate otherwise! I really hope we find an answer.. and sometimes I wish that people were free to love someone else regardless :T
Re: the other side
In that case.. I know its difficult.. but it will have to boil down to only one thing.
Whether the Christian loves the Lord more, or him/her more. And let’s remember.. that our salvation is by grace, unmerited grace. So… it won’t be hard to choose, rather its difficult to carry out or execute our decision or choice.
For me, it would be more like of a battle, between the desires of the flesh, or the spirit…
The Christian shd think hard… and weigh…
Re: the other side
your advice was awesome – what you said is basically what I think too, but couldn’t quite get out. And a lot of what you said is true to me too.. Just as I can’t step away from my entire life (because my religion basically makes up most of it), I don’t want him to convert just for the sake of being together too.. but we talked about it for ages and he said he’ll go to church with me just to check it out, because after all, all his friends are there too so he’ll get to see them. And if he feels it’s really not for him, then at least we can say we explored that option, right?
Re: the other side
from the same guy who wrote the long paragraph:
well i wish you all the best…
it’s the hardest thing to do in the world..
just know there are pple out there praying for you to be strong in your Christian walk 🙂
Re: the other side
Thanks.. 🙂 I really hope we work it out because I do love him but I would also like to be respectful to my religious beliefs as well. It’s nice hearing opinions from other Christians though!
Re: the other side
the message in a service i went to today was by this well known speaker, John Stott.
his highlight was: the mark of the true Christian was his/her willingness to endure suffering for the sake of Christ
not implying anything here.. just sharing…
Do what you have to do for yourselves, if it was meant to be you’ll be back together in time.
its always difficult when both of you come from different countries and different background. i have a close girlfriend who is currently in a long distance relationship with her german boyfriend. she’s working in singapore and she is unable to join him in germany due to family while he is still doing postgrad so it seems unlikely that he will join her in singapore anytime in the near future. it has been hard and recently she has been seriously considering where they are heading. anyway all i can say is i hope everything works out for the best for you and chris. *hugz*
.. and different religions. That’s basically the main reason. Can’t that guy you mention do postgrad in SG, or go to SG afterwards? Chris and I ALSO have the whole cultural/country issues to deal with too, and it just seems like everything’s stacked against us atm and I just don’t know how we can overcome it all 🙁
oh no….
oh my… i’m actually speechless. by reading your LJ, i thought both of you would be the least likely people to break up. this is so sad… just the other day another friend of mine also has to do the LDR thing because one of them can’t stay in Australia. *hugss* hope things get better, sweetie..
Re: oh no….
Yeah.. none of our friends know yet so if we break up it’s going to be “WHAAAAT?!” just because it’s so unexpected. But I’m not sure if it’s right to keep going in a relationship if it’s a dead-end, y’know? Oh, it’s not really a problem of being in different countries, but more of religious differences :T
I hope all turns out well, Bev. I think you should just follow your hearts, go with the flow and let come what may. All the best, yah.
Hi Beverly. Obviously I don’t know the exact situation that you and Chris are in, but I want to say that you two have always seemed to be an incredibly great couple together, and I hope everything works out for the best. 😉
Aww thanks! I’d like to think we’re a great couple too.. and I love how we never fight and just know each other better than we know ourselves. I hope we work it out 🙂
oh dear. i don’t know what to say. *hugs*
hope things work out!
Thanks.. 🙂 Thanks week has been absolutely HELL for both of us, with our emotions going up and down like nothing else. But hopefully we’ll work it out for better or for worse..
I was involved in two relationships where there was a clash of religions. The first guy told me, after 3 years together, that he didn’t see us working out as a couple because of difference in religion. The second guy told me the same thing. Even though I had never stopped them from going to church, and in fact, encouraged them to be more spiritual. The second guy could tell me that “christians should not be yoked with non-believers” and continue to do un-christian things, and then next found a new partner who was even more against his religion and stopped him from going to church. I saw that as an ultimate betrayal. All the best. from sarah.
Aww I”m sorry that happened to you, especially with the second guy 🙁 Has that stopped you from dating someone from a different religion? If Chris and I *do* break up, I think I will only date Christians from now to spare both of us the heartache later in life..
I think you should just follow your heart(him too). I won’t say anything about religion because after all, both of you have been together for ages. Since you can make it this far, why not continue trying? No point breaking up when you haven’t even tried. That’s my opinion anyway. Both of you might actually work out LD-wise or come up with a good solution of being together when the right time comes? It’s just sad to see a happy so-in-love couple part ways due to factors such as distance, background and religion.
Amen, you said it best. Don’t do it because you feel you have to. Even the most starcrossed of lovers find a way to be together in the end (well..just don’t drink poison or anything ^~)
Heh, well, at least our parents aren’t enemies and trying to kill each other.. so that’s a good thing 😛
The reason we don’t want to keep dating IF there’s *no* chance we can get married is because it’s unfair on both of us.. kind of like hanging onto each other when either of us could really find someone that we CAN marry in the future.. But it’s also the hardest thing to do, because how can you move away from someone you love so much?
That would be sad that something that in the long run, is as trivial
as religion, would break up a wonderful couple. And as in trivial I mean
aesthetically. Beliefs and spirituality are in our hearts, not a church..
;-;
the other side
i’m not writing this to be controversial
but to bring up a very relavant point as seen from.. let’s say the other side..
abt the religious issue.. i know that you will be referring to Christianity here..
believe me.. i have had 2 years of continuous intense internal debate about the whole thing.
which ultimately led to the loss of perhaps the most perfect match on my part..
i’ve thought it through from any angle i can think of
i’ve read the bible, talked to christians, non-christians, even some leaders etc…
my opinion is that although the concept of a non-christian/christian relationship CAN work… i mean obviously.. quite a few of us would have had Christian parents who weren’t christian at the start anyway… or at least a spouse who wasn’t…
but it was always a big no-no in the Bible.. always led to disasterous consequences..
even the pple i’ve talked to who are married said they would never do that again and they had to suffer so much and lose so much to go through the whole process…
the ‘process’ i’m referring to is the life they’ve had to live with their spouses before they turned christian, and the pain and perhaps silent suffering… especially if they really love God
i think the only reason it worked out in the end is that God is forgiving…
honestly i dont think bringing a person to Christ via a relationship is a valid point..
there’s too much other stuff underlying it to really know if that person wants to turn to God for himself rather than just for you…
the way i see it now is even if i really like someone, i will bring that person to church first before i start anything rather than if ever..
b’cos if in the 90% that it doesnt work out.. you could’ve cost someone to turn away from God for a long time before they ever thought about turning back… not implying that you could directly affect whether a person got saved of course..
(warning potential confrontation stimulus below!)
and yes i am saying so long as that person isn’t Christian you shouldnt give it a shot at all. that’s not being judgemental, i’m not saying not to have a friend, or not try to bring them to Christ, I’m saying that you shouldn’t get involved with that person, because half the time they bring you away from God rather than the other way around.. it’s all over the Bible! The classic verse of course is the ‘do not be yoked with unbelievers’ thingy in Corinthians
Anyway, one of the real fears is that if it does work out, can u be sure that the person loves God, or loves you too much such that they’re willing to
pseudo-love God? What happens if u die first? will they stay with GOd? or just get ‘lost’ again. And if you have kids? Will they end up influencing
them away from God as well? Sometimes human love is a really blinding thing.. and until its not there anymore.. you can’t really see what each other’s real relationship with God is… how would you feel if u realised after 10 years of marriage ur husband really didn’t much give a damn about God and was just playing along?can u face the thought of that person ending up in hell?
very morbid and perhaps jaded out-look you might say.. but isn’t it reality? That’s what getting into a serious relationship with someone i was incredibly fond of made me think about… how much was i willing to give up.
well advice is all im good for anyway.. but from experience i know that pple never listen.
i know i never did..
i came up with every stupid excuse for 2 years…
and even more once it ended for the next year on why i shouldn’t have done it..
but that’s all they were.. excuses..
i’m glad God drew me out of it.. before anything more drastic happened..
everyone’s gotta learn the hard way i guess :
Re: the other side
Im all for what you say.
It all depends on individual’s stands… no point trying to “psycho” each other and convince each other. If one party is a Christian, and truly wants to work his/her own “salvation with fear and trembling”… then I guess he/she shd just turn to the Bible .. the Word of God has every answer..
Beverly, give it a good thought yah? =)
Re: the other side
Yeah I agree with that.. we can’t go and try and convince each other to ditch our beliefs. But it’s SO hard to decide what to do when we love each other and really want to be with each other.. yet our religious beliefs dictate otherwise! I really hope we find an answer.. and sometimes I wish that people were free to love someone else regardless :T
Re: the other side
In that case.. I know its difficult.. but it will have to boil down to only one thing.
Whether the Christian loves the Lord more, or him/her more. And let’s remember.. that our salvation is by grace, unmerited grace. So… it won’t be hard to choose, rather its difficult to carry out or execute our decision or choice.
For me, it would be more like of a battle, between the desires of the flesh, or the spirit…
The Christian shd think hard… and weigh…
Re: the other side
your advice was awesome – what you said is basically what I think too, but couldn’t quite get out. And a lot of what you said is true to me too.. Just as I can’t step away from my entire life (because my religion basically makes up most of it), I don’t want him to convert just for the sake of being together too.. but we talked about it for ages and he said he’ll go to church with me just to check it out, because after all, all his friends are there too so he’ll get to see them. And if he feels it’s really not for him, then at least we can say we explored that option, right?
Re: the other side
from the same guy who wrote the long paragraph:
well i wish you all the best…
it’s the hardest thing to do in the world..
just know there are pple out there praying for you to be strong in your Christian walk 🙂
Re: the other side
Thanks.. 🙂 I really hope we work it out because I do love him but I would also like to be respectful to my religious beliefs as well. It’s nice hearing opinions from other Christians though!
Re: the other side
the message in a service i went to today was by this well known speaker, John Stott.
his highlight was: the mark of the true Christian was his/her willingness to endure suffering for the sake of Christ
not implying anything here.. just sharing…
Do what you have to do for yourselves, if it was meant to be you’ll be back together in time.
its always difficult when both of you come from different countries and different background. i have a close girlfriend who is currently in a long distance relationship with her german boyfriend. she’s working in singapore and she is unable to join him in germany due to family while he is still doing postgrad so it seems unlikely that he will join her in singapore anytime in the near future. it has been hard and recently she has been seriously considering where they are heading. anyway all i can say is i hope everything works out for the best for you and chris. *hugz*
.. and different religions. That’s basically the main reason. Can’t that guy you mention do postgrad in SG, or go to SG afterwards? Chris and I ALSO have the whole cultural/country issues to deal with too, and it just seems like everything’s stacked against us atm and I just don’t know how we can overcome it all 🙁
oh no….
oh my… i’m actually speechless. by reading your LJ, i thought both of you would be the least likely people to break up. this is so sad… just the other day another friend of mine also has to do the LDR thing because one of them can’t stay in Australia. *hugss* hope things get better, sweetie..
Re: oh no….
Yeah.. none of our friends know yet so if we break up it’s going to be “WHAAAAT?!” just because it’s so unexpected. But I’m not sure if it’s right to keep going in a relationship if it’s a dead-end, y’know? Oh, it’s not really a problem of being in different countries, but more of religious differences :T
you need a laugh
so go here and chuckle for a minute
http://lostris.wyvern.com.au/~mustang/
Re: you need a laugh
Heh, at first I was like “Err.. it’s an error page you gave me the wrong link” then I read closer 😛
Re: you need a laugh
what does ” 😛 ” mean, i’ve seen it before, i am clueless?? much like any thing involving women in my life…
Re: you need a laugh
It’s a face with it’s tongue sticking out.. tilt your head to the left!
hi beverly 🙂 you don’t know me but I just want to say that I was really touched when I read your entry. Many times I’ve almost broken up with my boyfriend (but not because of religious or cultural issues), but I’ve learnt now that we love each other too much to let anything get in between us, and now we love each other even more. If you are sure that this is the guy you want to be with for the rest of your life, don’t break up, love will make you strong enough to work things out.
hey
Bev,
What a response by your journal readers! Looks like you will have a lot of responses to make. Very lengthy responses here.
I’ll make mine short. My boyfriend of 3 years is not catholic. I am. I’ve been freaking out about it for 3 years not because of our cultural differences, but what the children will be raised if we get married. I want them catholic. He wants them jewish or nothing. You must also consider the children factor. That might be the hardest issue to address. For me it is. I decided to be brave. To maybe be the first one in my family to marry outside the religion. I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason. If you two break-up, and then a few years later maybe you land a job near him and you two reunited, etc etc etc. God has reasons for things to happen. Trust God. Trust fate. Go day by day & do not stress.
PS: i LOOOOOOVE your Ikea bed! It’s absolutely fabulous – and the space it saves is great!
Re: hey
Hey it’s so nice to hear from so many people that they’ve been dating 2 years, 3 years, etc.. I don’t really know how old you guys are, but very few of my friends are in relationships that have lasted for years. Your dilemma is very similar to mine – I worry what will happen if we do get married and have children.. I think I need a partner that will support my religion with me and go to church with me and pray together – maybe I’m weak, but I don’t think I can do that by myself. Hopefully everything will work out:)
you need a laugh
so go here and chuckle for a minute
http://lostris.wyvern.com.au/~mustang/
Re: you need a laugh
Heh, at first I was like “Err.. it’s an error page you gave me the wrong link” then I read closer 😛
Re: you need a laugh
what does ” 😛 ” mean, i’ve seen it before, i am clueless?? much like any thing involving women in my life…
Re: you need a laugh
It’s a face with it’s tongue sticking out.. tilt your head to the left!
hi beverly 🙂 you don’t know me but I just want to say that I was really touched when I read your entry. Many times I’ve almost broken up with my boyfriend (but not because of religious or cultural issues), but I’ve learnt now that we love each other too much to let anything get in between us, and now we love each other even more. If you are sure that this is the guy you want to be with for the rest of your life, don’t break up, love will make you strong enough to work things out.
hey
Bev,
What a response by your journal readers! Looks like you will have a lot of responses to make. Very lengthy responses here.
I’ll make mine short. My boyfriend of 3 years is not catholic. I am. I’ve been freaking out about it for 3 years not because of our cultural differences, but what the children will be raised if we get married. I want them catholic. He wants them jewish or nothing. You must also consider the children factor. That might be the hardest issue to address. For me it is. I decided to be brave. To maybe be the first one in my family to marry outside the religion. I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason. If you two break-up, and then a few years later maybe you land a job near him and you two reunited, etc etc etc. God has reasons for things to happen. Trust God. Trust fate. Go day by day & do not stress.
PS: i LOOOOOOVE your Ikea bed! It’s absolutely fabulous – and the space it saves is great!
Re: hey
Hey it’s so nice to hear from so many people that they’ve been dating 2 years, 3 years, etc.. I don’t really know how old you guys are, but very few of my friends are in relationships that have lasted for years. Your dilemma is very similar to mine – I worry what will happen if we do get married and have children.. I think I need a partner that will support my religion with me and go to church with me and pray together – maybe I’m weak, but I don’t think I can do that by myself. Hopefully everything will work out:)
Hiya Bev:)
I’m so so sorry that you and Chris have to face this especially since you both obviously love each other so much. I don’t know what the other issues are but as far as cultural difference goes thats really up to both of you to decide if thats going to be a problem for you. I mean, I’ve seen photos of you and Chris with your parents so I presume your family knows abt him. If thats the case then why should “culture” force you apart? Its the 21st century girl and though culture is important its also basically to respcet each others culture. You guys have been going out for so long that I’m sure that you and Chris would have had alot of exposure to each others culture,right?
As for religion, here’s my family’s little “international” history. My dad’s sister’s children are married to…a Portugese(Catholic),Chinese,Inonesian(Muslim) and Malay(Muslim).My cousin sister on my mom’s side (Hindu)is married to a German(Catholic).I have 2 other cousin brothers (Catholic),my dad’s side married to Singhalese women and another married to an Indian Muslim:)
My dad(Catholic) married my mom(Hindu) in a Hindu ceromony,to respect my mom’s mothers wishes. Went to church every Sunday. My mom, used to go to the temle and my sis and I followed both my mom and Dad.And no we did not grow up confused. My mom, found herself drwn to the Catholic fate and converted when I was 13 yrs old (14 yrs of marriage)and she said that she would like us to follow the Catholic faith So my sister and I got baptised when I was 9 yrs. old.
I’m a Catholic and am married to a Hindu. We got married the traditional Hindu way.We still ahve to get our marriage blessed by a Catholic priest,and my hubby doesn’t mind it coz he respects that I’m a Catholic. We have 2 alters at home..a Hindu one and one for me.
I’ve never been a strong church goer but I do pray to God in my heart and talk to Him. I know my faith is strong and I belive in God and Jesus. But, I also respect that my husband has his belief in his religion.
As a Hindu, they also have a lot of culture and traditional things but I do go along with it becoz my faith in my religion is strong and no one is putting a gun to my head to do them.
I don’t know if this will help, but consider you and Chris really well before you make up your mind,ok.
Take care…and whatever you decide,remeber itas your life and do what you need to.
Hugs:)
Shree
Hi Shree,
Our cultural issues aren’t too much of a problem because he’s not extremely Australian and I’m not extremely Singaporean.. we’re both somewhere in the middle. The only problem is where to live since our families/relatives are from 2 different countries. But even before that is the problem that my church won’t marry a Christian and non-CHristian, and just going off to another church to get married isn’t an option for me :T Also, we know there are a lot of problems between inter-religious marriages – so should we take the risk considering so many other marriages that take this risk end up in tatters? I think it’s important for a couple to be compatible emotionally, physically and spiritually.. take 1 aspect away, and will that relationship work out?
I think i’ts so wonderful your dad went to church with your mum to support her though! I would really love that IF I were to marry a non-Christian. But I really would not settle for just taking my kids to church while my husband sleeps at home – I’d feel like a single mother and not like I have a family. I don’t know if that’s being selfish of me, but I always envision a lovely family at church and not just a mother bringing her kids while the dad stays back at home.. I just don’t think I can survive that heartache :T
Hi Bev:)
Just read your latest entry and I guess you and Chris have pretty much decided to do something abt your future. So that’s good:)
As for your vision of the “perfect family going to church”….well all I can say is that you know what you want and a vision of something is cool but sometimes what you want may not be what you need?
But, like I said, don’t let waht everyone say affect you so much,afterall,its yours and Chris’s life. Just take what everyone has said and try and see if it can help a little. I it can’t don’t worry,your heart will know what to do:)
All the best and hugs to you:)
Shree
Yeah, we’ll just consider our options and try them out and go from there.. and if we were meant to be together, then we will 🙂
Hiya Bev:)
I’m so so sorry that you and Chris have to face this especially since you both obviously love each other so much. I don’t know what the other issues are but as far as cultural difference goes thats really up to both of you to decide if thats going to be a problem for you. I mean, I’ve seen photos of you and Chris with your parents so I presume your family knows abt him. If thats the case then why should “culture” force you apart? Its the 21st century girl and though culture is important its also basically to respcet each others culture. You guys have been going out for so long that I’m sure that you and Chris would have had alot of exposure to each others culture,right?
As for religion, here’s my family’s little “international” history. My dad’s sister’s children are married to…a Portugese(Catholic),Chinese,Inonesian(Muslim) and Malay(Muslim).My cousin sister on my mom’s side (Hindu)is married to a German(Catholic).I have 2 other cousin brothers (Catholic),my dad’s side married to Singhalese women and another married to an Indian Muslim:)
My dad(Catholic) married my mom(Hindu) in a Hindu ceromony,to respect my mom’s mothers wishes. Went to church every Sunday. My mom, used to go to the temle and my sis and I followed both my mom and Dad.And no we did not grow up confused. My mom, found herself drwn to the Catholic fate and converted when I was 13 yrs old (14 yrs of marriage)and she said that she would like us to follow the Catholic faith So my sister and I got baptised when I was 9 yrs. old.
I’m a Catholic and am married to a Hindu. We got married the traditional Hindu way.We still ahve to get our marriage blessed by a Catholic priest,and my hubby doesn’t mind it coz he respects that I’m a Catholic. We have 2 alters at home..a Hindu one and one for me.
I’ve never been a strong church goer but I do pray to God in my heart and talk to Him. I know my faith is strong and I belive in God and Jesus. But, I also respect that my husband has his belief in his religion.
As a Hindu, they also have a lot of culture and traditional things but I do go along with it becoz my faith in my religion is strong and no one is putting a gun to my head to do them.
I don’t know if this will help, but consider you and Chris really well before you make up your mind,ok.
Take care…and whatever you decide,remeber itas your life and do what you need to.
Hugs:)
Shree
Hi Shree,
Our cultural issues aren’t too much of a problem because he’s not extremely Australian and I’m not extremely Singaporean.. we’re both somewhere in the middle. The only problem is where to live since our families/relatives are from 2 different countries. But even before that is the problem that my church won’t marry a Christian and non-CHristian, and just going off to another church to get married isn’t an option for me :T Also, we know there are a lot of problems between inter-religious marriages – so should we take the risk considering so many other marriages that take this risk end up in tatters? I think it’s important for a couple to be compatible emotionally, physically and spiritually.. take 1 aspect away, and will that relationship work out?
I think i’ts so wonderful your dad went to church with your mum to support her though! I would really love that IF I were to marry a non-Christian. But I really would not settle for just taking my kids to church while my husband sleeps at home – I’d feel like a single mother and not like I have a family. I don’t know if that’s being selfish of me, but I always envision a lovely family at church and not just a mother bringing her kids while the dad stays back at home.. I just don’t think I can survive that heartache :T
Hi Bev:)
Just read your latest entry and I guess you and Chris have pretty much decided to do something abt your future. So that’s good:)
As for your vision of the “perfect family going to church”….well all I can say is that you know what you want and a vision of something is cool but sometimes what you want may not be what you need?
But, like I said, don’t let waht everyone say affect you so much,afterall,its yours and Chris’s life. Just take what everyone has said and try and see if it can help a little. I it can’t don’t worry,your heart will know what to do:)
All the best and hugs to you:)
Shree
Yeah, we’ll just consider our options and try them out and go from there.. and if we were meant to be together, then we will 🙂
my sitcho
Here’s my point of view…even though I’m not in your relationship I’m going to comment on it since I’ve read your journals over the years and it seems like you two are really in love. Hehe. If you love him, like if you *REALLY* love this kid, it doesnt’ matter what religion, color, background or *whatever* he is. True love doesn’t always come in the right package but you have to take it for what it is. I was in a relationship 3 years ago, I moved away and couldn’t deal with the long distance (that was our obstacle) and we just kind of gave up on it. That was a huge mistake because now I realize just how important to me he really was. You never know what you have until it’s gone…an old saying but still so true. I’d give anything to get that back. We still talk about having a future together which is something that really helps but still…”dont let real love pass you by”…because cupid might not strike more than once! Good luck to you on whatever you decide, after all it’s your life and not mine! xoxo
Re: my sitcho
We do really really love each other, but sometimes something as big as religion will cause issues especially after you get married – I’ve seen it in too many couples to ignore it :T And also the fact that our church won’t marry a non-Christian and Christian and I’m expected to get married there so I can’t just run off and get married elsewhere, y’know? But we’ve talked heaps over the past week and both said that we WANT to be with each other and so we’re just going to explore our various options.. and if in the end we think it’s for the better if don’t stay together, then at least it won’t be such a *shock* to us if we break up.. and we can say that we tried and maybe it’s just best if it’s that way. but if we DO end up staying together, then we’ll be even happier that we overcame our issues 🙂
Hi again Bev,
Just something I forgot to say the other time …
I’m also on LDR right now, and we have kept this relationship for nearly three years! I believe that if you really love each other, and you really want to stay together, there will be a way. 🙂
Just keep your spirits up. I hope it all turns out well.
3 years? wow! I don’t think I could have a long-distance relationship.. it’ll be too painful for me :T But hopefully Chris and I won’t have to deal with that if we can time it such that we go back to SIngapore together in a couple of years.. but that’s why we have to decide what we want for our future – if we really can’t be together forever then he shouldn’t come to Singapore with me because it’s too much of a big move if it’s a definite dead end for us :T
Hey Bev,
Saw you walk past at uni today – I was going to say hi, but was too worried I’d seem like a crazy stalker! Near the Matthews Theatres, at lunchtime.
So yeah. 🙂
Megan allthings @ bigpond.com
Heh, you should’ve said hi Megan! Err… I wasn’t doing anything embarassing was I? PRobably just rushing to my lecture, late as usual 😉
Yep, you looked like you were in a rush! So I thought I’d just leave you alone 🙂 Plus I was half rushing, too.
Megan
Heh i’m always rushing around Uni 😛 What year are you in and what course dyou do?
I’m a little first year 🙂 I do Media and Communications, and I’m studying media, history, english and film.
my sitcho
Here’s my point of view…even though I’m not in your relationship I’m going to comment on it since I’ve read your journals over the years and it seems like you two are really in love. Hehe. If you love him, like if you *REALLY* love this kid, it doesnt’ matter what religion, color, background or *whatever* he is. True love doesn’t always come in the right package but you have to take it for what it is. I was in a relationship 3 years ago, I moved away and couldn’t deal with the long distance (that was our obstacle) and we just kind of gave up on it. That was a huge mistake because now I realize just how important to me he really was. You never know what you have until it’s gone…an old saying but still so true. I’d give anything to get that back. We still talk about having a future together which is something that really helps but still…”dont let real love pass you by”…because cupid might not strike more than once! Good luck to you on whatever you decide, after all it’s your life and not mine! xoxo
Re: my sitcho
We do really really love each other, but sometimes something as big as religion will cause issues especially after you get married – I’ve seen it in too many couples to ignore it :T And also the fact that our church won’t marry a non-Christian and Christian and I’m expected to get married there so I can’t just run off and get married elsewhere, y’know? But we’ve talked heaps over the past week and both said that we WANT to be with each other and so we’re just going to explore our various options.. and if in the end we think it’s for the better if don’t stay together, then at least it won’t be such a *shock* to us if we break up.. and we can say that we tried and maybe it’s just best if it’s that way. but if we DO end up staying together, then we’ll be even happier that we overcame our issues 🙂
Hi again Bev,
Just something I forgot to say the other time …
I’m also on LDR right now, and we have kept this relationship for nearly three years! I believe that if you really love each other, and you really want to stay together, there will be a way. 🙂
Just keep your spirits up. I hope it all turns out well.
3 years? wow! I don’t think I could have a long-distance relationship.. it’ll be too painful for me :T But hopefully Chris and I won’t have to deal with that if we can time it such that we go back to SIngapore together in a couple of years.. but that’s why we have to decide what we want for our future – if we really can’t be together forever then he shouldn’t come to Singapore with me because it’s too much of a big move if it’s a definite dead end for us :T
hi bev, i’m on a LDR now also and i suppose there are some sacrifies to be made you wanted this relationship badly. You guys sounded like you had a great time together and stuff…perhaps u may consider staying in australia with him, since singapore isnt a great distance away and a bright student like you wouldnt have problems doing well in sydney =) then again, if there is any obligations in singapore that you cannot ignore, you guys would have to endure the LD part. Many couples usually have a talk in the possibilites of break-up due to distance, but most of them ended up staying together, cuz it’s simply too painful to let go. sigh…i hate LDRs.
just a passer-by.
Yeah.. our home countries are also an issue, but we kind of have that figured out ‘cos I intend to work here in Australia for a couple of years, then work and have children in Singapore, and then retire back in Australia. I think Singapore’s a great place to work ‘cos there’s low tax and the whole country’s very business-orientated.. and Australia’s a wonderful place to retire and live because it’s relaxed and a beautiful country. It’s going to be hard for Chris to go to Singapore though, because he just can’t apply for PR like I can here, so he’ll need a company that will sponsor him there.. we’ll get over that hurdle when it comes!
get married first hehe. then get PR in singapore hehe.
by the way, is it easy to get a PR in ozzie if you study there?
*lol* well we could, but I’d prefer not to get married just because of that! And yeah, it’s really easy to get PR here because I’ve already studied here and I’ve checked and I qualify for it. I’lll probably get it anyway so I can work here if I choose to..
*hugs* Beverly *hugs*
-kim(sheila) xoxo
Hey Bev,
Saw you walk past at uni today – I was going to say hi, but was too worried I’d seem like a crazy stalker! Near the Matthews Theatres, at lunchtime.
So yeah. 🙂
Megan allthings @ bigpond.com
Heh, you should’ve said hi Megan! Err… I wasn’t doing anything embarassing was I? PRobably just rushing to my lecture, late as usual 😉
Yep, you looked like you were in a rush! So I thought I’d just leave you alone 🙂 Plus I was half rushing, too.
Megan
Heh i’m always rushing around Uni 😛 What year are you in and what course dyou do?
I’m a little first year 🙂 I do Media and Communications, and I’m studying media, history, english and film.
oh bev…
Hey,
I don’t think you’ll believe it if i say I’ve spent the last 2 days crying over my boy… Yesterday was the best and worst day put together in one. Me and James have been together for 2 years and a bit and we actually broke up on Thursday but after bucketloads of tears and apologies, we got back together yesterday and I couldn’t be happier.
So if you ever feel sad or anything, you know you’re not alone sweetie 🙂 And if you feel that Chris is the love of your life, don’t let it slip man… you will only regret it.
Good luck with whatever happens ok! I’ll be thinking of you.
x
Re: oh bev…
Wow, I’m glad you and James worked it out and got back together.. I suppose it’s easy to just think a relationship is going well and be happy, but we also need to think of the future in case there are issues that may prevent, or make it hard, for 2 people to be together..
hi bev, i’m on a LDR now also and i suppose there are some sacrifies to be made you wanted this relationship badly. You guys sounded like you had a great time together and stuff…perhaps u may consider staying in australia with him, since singapore isnt a great distance away and a bright student like you wouldnt have problems doing well in sydney =) then again, if there is any obligations in singapore that you cannot ignore, you guys would have to endure the LD part. Many couples usually have a talk in the possibilites of break-up due to distance, but most of them ended up staying together, cuz it’s simply too painful to let go. sigh…i hate LDRs.
just a passer-by.
Yeah.. our home countries are also an issue, but we kind of have that figured out ‘cos I intend to work here in Australia for a couple of years, then work and have children in Singapore, and then retire back in Australia. I think Singapore’s a great place to work ‘cos there’s low tax and the whole country’s very business-orientated.. and Australia’s a wonderful place to retire and live because it’s relaxed and a beautiful country. It’s going to be hard for Chris to go to Singapore though, because he just can’t apply for PR like I can here, so he’ll need a company that will sponsor him there.. we’ll get over that hurdle when it comes!
get married first hehe. then get PR in singapore hehe.
by the way, is it easy to get a PR in ozzie if you study there?
*lol* well we could, but I’d prefer not to get married just because of that! And yeah, it’s really easy to get PR here because I’ve already studied here and I’ve checked and I qualify for it. I’lll probably get it anyway so I can work here if I choose to..
*hugs* Beverly *hugs*
-kim(sheila) xoxo
oh bev…
Hey,
I don’t think you’ll believe it if i say I’ve spent the last 2 days crying over my boy… Yesterday was the best and worst day put together in one. Me and James have been together for 2 years and a bit and we actually broke up on Thursday but after bucketloads of tears and apologies, we got back together yesterday and I couldn’t be happier.
So if you ever feel sad or anything, you know you’re not alone sweetie 🙂 And if you feel that Chris is the love of your life, don’t let it slip man… you will only regret it.
Good luck with whatever happens ok! I’ll be thinking of you.
x
Re: oh bev…
Wow, I’m glad you and James worked it out and got back together.. I suppose it’s easy to just think a relationship is going well and be happy, but we also need to think of the future in case there are issues that may prevent, or make it hard, for 2 people to be together..
Hi beverly, i’m more or less in the same situation as you now. Am singaporean studying in aust as well with a bf who is australian. I’m graduating middle of this yr and don’t know what is installed for me as to whether i’m going bak to sg or staying in aust. Same goes for religion as well…the differences. *sigh* I’m in as much a dilemma as you I can say. I remember you saying you might get pr in aust before right? are you still considering pr?
Anyhows I sincerely wish you and Chris all the best in your decisions.
…from someone who stubbled upon your journal online and enjoys reading it! =)
Hey I’m graduating mid-year too.. we sound like we’re in similar situations re: home country and religion. I’ll probably apply for PR here because I intend to work here for a couple of years before going back to Singapore,and that way I still get to keep my Singaporean citizenship, so that’s good.. never give up your SG citizenship though, it’s way too valuable! 🙂
*hugs* I’m sure things will get better, they always do 🙂
Be strong…
Hope I don’t freak you out, by saying that I’ve been reading your jaournal all these while. Followed your trail all the way from MUA 🙂 I have to thank you for inspiring me to have my own journal now.
ALways though you and Chris had been a really sweet couple, and had admired you guys for being so loving, even with all the cultural difference. So this entry really came as a shock to me.
Had a friend who broke up with her bf due to her being a Christian, and him not. The irony is, after the breakup, he went to church on his accord and became a Christian. And she is now happily attached to someone from church.
You never know what’s in store for you…guess it all depends on where your priorities lies.
Re: Be strong…
Oooh cool, fellw MUA-er and from SIngapore too! 🙂 Yeah, the whole weekend has been a real shock to us – but I suppose we needed to discuss this soooner than later – better than leaving it for another few years. It’s so good to hear your friend’s ex-boyfriend ended up becoming a Christian though, God works in many ways! 🙂
Hi beverly, i’m more or less in the same situation as you now. Am singaporean studying in aust as well with a bf who is australian. I’m graduating middle of this yr and don’t know what is installed for me as to whether i’m going bak to sg or staying in aust. Same goes for religion as well…the differences. *sigh* I’m in as much a dilemma as you I can say. I remember you saying you might get pr in aust before right? are you still considering pr?
Anyhows I sincerely wish you and Chris all the best in your decisions.
…from someone who stubbled upon your journal online and enjoys reading it! =)
Hey I’m graduating mid-year too.. we sound like we’re in similar situations re: home country and religion. I’ll probably apply for PR here because I intend to work here for a couple of years before going back to Singapore,and that way I still get to keep my Singaporean citizenship, so that’s good.. never give up your SG citizenship though, it’s way too valuable! 🙂
gess i cannot belive this bad news. im here for you if you ever need a shoulder to cry on.
Thanks girl *hugs* Relationships are so hard sometimes.. I hope we work it out :T
me too because you are a very nice girl BTW I sent you an email about this.
*hugs* I’m sure things will get better, they always do 🙂
Be strong…
Hope I don’t freak you out, by saying that I’ve been reading your jaournal all these while. Followed your trail all the way from MUA 🙂 I have to thank you for inspiring me to have my own journal now.
ALways though you and Chris had been a really sweet couple, and had admired you guys for being so loving, even with all the cultural difference. So this entry really came as a shock to me.
Had a friend who broke up with her bf due to her being a Christian, and him not. The irony is, after the breakup, he went to church on his accord and became a Christian. And she is now happily attached to someone from church.
You never know what’s in store for you…guess it all depends on where your priorities lies.
Re: Be strong…
Oooh cool, fellw MUA-er and from SIngapore too! 🙂 Yeah, the whole weekend has been a real shock to us – but I suppose we needed to discuss this soooner than later – better than leaving it for another few years. It’s so good to hear your friend’s ex-boyfriend ended up becoming a Christian though, God works in many ways! 🙂
I hope all turns out well, Bev. I think you should just follow your hearts, go with the flow and let come what may. All the best, yah.
Hi Beverly. Obviously I don’t know the exact situation that you and Chris are in, but I want to say that you two have always seemed to be an incredibly great couple together, and I hope everything works out for the best. 😉
Aww thanks! I’d like to think we’re a great couple too.. and I love how we never fight and just know each other better than we know ourselves. I hope we work it out 🙂
gess i cannot belive this bad news. im here for you if you ever need a shoulder to cry on.
Thanks girl *hugs* Relationships are so hard sometimes.. I hope we work it out :T
me too because you are a very nice girl BTW I sent you an email about this.
oh dear. i don’t know what to say. *hugs*
hope things work out!
Thanks.. 🙂 Thanks week has been absolutely HELL for both of us, with our emotions going up and down like nothing else. But hopefully we’ll work it out for better or for worse..
I was involved in two relationships where there was a clash of religions. The first guy told me, after 3 years together, that he didn’t see us working out as a couple because of difference in religion. The second guy told me the same thing. Even though I had never stopped them from going to church, and in fact, encouraged them to be more spiritual. The second guy could tell me that “christians should not be yoked with non-believers” and continue to do un-christian things, and then next found a new partner who was even more against his religion and stopped him from going to church. I saw that as an ultimate betrayal. All the best. from sarah.
Aww I”m sorry that happened to you, especially with the second guy 🙁 Has that stopped you from dating someone from a different religion? If Chris and I *do* break up, I think I will only date Christians from now to spare both of us the heartache later in life..
I think you should just follow your heart(him too). I won’t say anything about religion because after all, both of you have been together for ages. Since you can make it this far, why not continue trying? No point breaking up when you haven’t even tried. That’s my opinion anyway. Both of you might actually work out LD-wise or come up with a good solution of being together when the right time comes? It’s just sad to see a happy so-in-love couple part ways due to factors such as distance, background and religion.
Amen, you said it best. Don’t do it because you feel you have to. Even the most starcrossed of lovers find a way to be together in the end (well..just don’t drink poison or anything ^~)
Heh, well, at least our parents aren’t enemies and trying to kill each other.. so that’s a good thing 😛
The reason we don’t want to keep dating IF there’s *no* chance we can get married is because it’s unfair on both of us.. kind of like hanging onto each other when either of us could really find someone that we CAN marry in the future.. But it’s also the hardest thing to do, because how can you move away from someone you love so much?
That would be sad that something that in the long run, is as trivial
as religion, would break up a wonderful couple. And as in trivial I mean
aesthetically. Beliefs and spirituality are in our hearts, not a church..
;-;
the other side
i’m not writing this to be controversial
but to bring up a very relavant point as seen from.. let’s say the other side..
abt the religious issue.. i know that you will be referring to Christianity here..
believe me.. i have had 2 years of continuous intense internal debate about the whole thing.
which ultimately led to the loss of perhaps the most perfect match on my part..
i’ve thought it through from any angle i can think of
i’ve read the bible, talked to christians, non-christians, even some leaders etc…
my opinion is that although the concept of a non-christian/christian relationship CAN work… i mean obviously.. quite a few of us would have had Christian parents who weren’t christian at the start anyway… or at least a spouse who wasn’t…
but it was always a big no-no in the Bible.. always led to disasterous consequences..
even the pple i’ve talked to who are married said they would never do that again and they had to suffer so much and lose so much to go through the whole process…
the ‘process’ i’m referring to is the life they’ve had to live with their spouses before they turned christian, and the pain and perhaps silent suffering… especially if they really love God
i think the only reason it worked out in the end is that God is forgiving…
honestly i dont think bringing a person to Christ via a relationship is a valid point..
there’s too much other stuff underlying it to really know if that person wants to turn to God for himself rather than just for you…
the way i see it now is even if i really like someone, i will bring that person to church first before i start anything rather than if ever..
b’cos if in the 90% that it doesnt work out.. you could’ve cost someone to turn away from God for a long time before they ever thought about turning back… not implying that you could directly affect whether a person got saved of course..
(warning potential confrontation stimulus below!)
and yes i am saying so long as that person isn’t Christian you shouldnt give it a shot at all. that’s not being judgemental, i’m not saying not to have a friend, or not try to bring them to Christ, I’m saying that you shouldn’t get involved with that person, because half the time they bring you away from God rather than the other way around.. it’s all over the Bible! The classic verse of course is the ‘do not be yoked with unbelievers’ thingy in Corinthians
Anyway, one of the real fears is that if it does work out, can u be sure that the person loves God, or loves you too much such that they’re willing to
pseudo-love God? What happens if u die first? will they stay with GOd? or just get ‘lost’ again. And if you have kids? Will they end up influencing
them away from God as well? Sometimes human love is a really blinding thing.. and until its not there anymore.. you can’t really see what each other’s real relationship with God is… how would you feel if u realised after 10 years of marriage ur husband really didn’t much give a damn about God and was just playing along?can u face the thought of that person ending up in hell?
very morbid and perhaps jaded out-look you might say.. but isn’t it reality? That’s what getting into a serious relationship with someone i was incredibly fond of made me think about… how much was i willing to give up.
well advice is all im good for anyway.. but from experience i know that pple never listen.
i know i never did..
i came up with every stupid excuse for 2 years…
and even more once it ended for the next year on why i shouldn’t have done it..
but that’s all they were.. excuses..
i’m glad God drew me out of it.. before anything more drastic happened..
everyone’s gotta learn the hard way i guess :
Re: the other side
Im all for what you say.
It all depends on individual’s stands… no point trying to “psycho” each other and convince each other. If one party is a Christian, and truly wants to work his/her own “salvation with fear and trembling”… then I guess he/she shd just turn to the Bible .. the Word of God has every answer..
Beverly, give it a good thought yah? =)
Re: the other side
Yeah I agree with that.. we can’t go and try and convince each other to ditch our beliefs. But it’s SO hard to decide what to do when we love each other and really want to be with each other.. yet our religious beliefs dictate otherwise! I really hope we find an answer.. and sometimes I wish that people were free to love someone else regardless :T
Re: the other side
In that case.. I know its difficult.. but it will have to boil down to only one thing.
Whether the Christian loves the Lord more, or him/her more. And let’s remember.. that our salvation is by grace, unmerited grace. So… it won’t be hard to choose, rather its difficult to carry out or execute our decision or choice.
For me, it would be more like of a battle, between the desires of the flesh, or the spirit…
The Christian shd think hard… and weigh…
Re: the other side
your advice was awesome – what you said is basically what I think too, but couldn’t quite get out. And a lot of what you said is true to me too.. Just as I can’t step away from my entire life (because my religion basically makes up most of it), I don’t want him to convert just for the sake of being together too.. but we talked about it for ages and he said he’ll go to church with me just to check it out, because after all, all his friends are there too so he’ll get to see them. And if he feels it’s really not for him, then at least we can say we explored that option, right?
Re: the other side
from the same guy who wrote the long paragraph:
well i wish you all the best…
it’s the hardest thing to do in the world..
just know there are pple out there praying for you to be strong in your Christian walk 🙂
Re: the other side
Thanks.. 🙂 I really hope we work it out because I do love him but I would also like to be respectful to my religious beliefs as well. It’s nice hearing opinions from other Christians though!
Re: the other side
the message in a service i went to today was by this well known speaker, John Stott.
his highlight was: the mark of the true Christian was his/her willingness to endure suffering for the sake of Christ
not implying anything here.. just sharing…
Do what you have to do for yourselves, if it was meant to be you’ll be back together in time.
its always difficult when both of you come from different countries and different background. i have a close girlfriend who is currently in a long distance relationship with her german boyfriend. she’s working in singapore and she is unable to join him in germany due to family while he is still doing postgrad so it seems unlikely that he will join her in singapore anytime in the near future. it has been hard and recently she has been seriously considering where they are heading. anyway all i can say is i hope everything works out for the best for you and chris. *hugz*
.. and different religions. That’s basically the main reason. Can’t that guy you mention do postgrad in SG, or go to SG afterwards? Chris and I ALSO have the whole cultural/country issues to deal with too, and it just seems like everything’s stacked against us atm and I just don’t know how we can overcome it all 🙁
oh no….
oh my… i’m actually speechless. by reading your LJ, i thought both of you would be the least likely people to break up. this is so sad… just the other day another friend of mine also has to do the LDR thing because one of them can’t stay in Australia. *hugss* hope things get better, sweetie..
Re: oh no….
Yeah.. none of our friends know yet so if we break up it’s going to be “WHAAAAT?!” just because it’s so unexpected. But I’m not sure if it’s right to keep going in a relationship if it’s a dead-end, y’know? Oh, it’s not really a problem of being in different countries, but more of religious differences :T
I hope all turns out well, Bev. I think you should just follow your hearts, go with the flow and let come what may. All the best, yah.
Hi Beverly. Obviously I don’t know the exact situation that you and Chris are in, but I want to say that you two have always seemed to be an incredibly great couple together, and I hope everything works out for the best. 😉
Aww thanks! I’d like to think we’re a great couple too.. and I love how we never fight and just know each other better than we know ourselves. I hope we work it out 🙂
oh dear. i don’t know what to say. *hugs*
hope things work out!
Thanks.. 🙂 Thanks week has been absolutely HELL for both of us, with our emotions going up and down like nothing else. But hopefully we’ll work it out for better or for worse..
I was involved in two relationships where there was a clash of religions. The first guy told me, after 3 years together, that he didn’t see us working out as a couple because of difference in religion. The second guy told me the same thing. Even though I had never stopped them from going to church, and in fact, encouraged them to be more spiritual. The second guy could tell me that “christians should not be yoked with non-believers” and continue to do un-christian things, and then next found a new partner who was even more against his religion and stopped him from going to church. I saw that as an ultimate betrayal. All the best. from sarah.
Aww I”m sorry that happened to you, especially with the second guy 🙁 Has that stopped you from dating someone from a different religion? If Chris and I *do* break up, I think I will only date Christians from now to spare both of us the heartache later in life..
I think you should just follow your heart(him too). I won’t say anything about religion because after all, both of you have been together for ages. Since you can make it this far, why not continue trying? No point breaking up when you haven’t even tried. That’s my opinion anyway. Both of you might actually work out LD-wise or come up with a good solution of being together when the right time comes? It’s just sad to see a happy so-in-love couple part ways due to factors such as distance, background and religion.
Amen, you said it best. Don’t do it because you feel you have to. Even the most starcrossed of lovers find a way to be together in the end (well..just don’t drink poison or anything ^~)
Heh, well, at least our parents aren’t enemies and trying to kill each other.. so that’s a good thing 😛
The reason we don’t want to keep dating IF there’s *no* chance we can get married is because it’s unfair on both of us.. kind of like hanging onto each other when either of us could really find someone that we CAN marry in the future.. But it’s also the hardest thing to do, because how can you move away from someone you love so much?
That would be sad that something that in the long run, is as trivial
as religion, would break up a wonderful couple. And as in trivial I mean
aesthetically. Beliefs and spirituality are in our hearts, not a church..
;-;
the other side
i’m not writing this to be controversial
but to bring up a very relavant point as seen from.. let’s say the other side..
abt the religious issue.. i know that you will be referring to Christianity here..
believe me.. i have had 2 years of continuous intense internal debate about the whole thing.
which ultimately led to the loss of perhaps the most perfect match on my part..
i’ve thought it through from any angle i can think of
i’ve read the bible, talked to christians, non-christians, even some leaders etc…
my opinion is that although the concept of a non-christian/christian relationship CAN work… i mean obviously.. quite a few of us would have had Christian parents who weren’t christian at the start anyway… or at least a spouse who wasn’t…
but it was always a big no-no in the Bible.. always led to disasterous consequences..
even the pple i’ve talked to who are married said they would never do that again and they had to suffer so much and lose so much to go through the whole process…
the ‘process’ i’m referring to is the life they’ve had to live with their spouses before they turned christian, and the pain and perhaps silent suffering… especially if they really love God
i think the only reason it worked out in the end is that God is forgiving…
honestly i dont think bringing a person to Christ via a relationship is a valid point..
there’s too much other stuff underlying it to really know if that person wants to turn to God for himself rather than just for you…
the way i see it now is even if i really like someone, i will bring that person to church first before i start anything rather than if ever..
b’cos if in the 90% that it doesnt work out.. you could’ve cost someone to turn away from God for a long time before they ever thought about turning back… not implying that you could directly affect whether a person got saved of course..
(warning potential confrontation stimulus below!)
and yes i am saying so long as that person isn’t Christian you shouldnt give it a shot at all. that’s not being judgemental, i’m not saying not to have a friend, or not try to bring them to Christ, I’m saying that you shouldn’t get involved with that person, because half the time they bring you away from God rather than the other way around.. it’s all over the Bible! The classic verse of course is the ‘do not be yoked with unbelievers’ thingy in Corinthians
Anyway, one of the real fears is that if it does work out, can u be sure that the person loves God, or loves you too much such that they’re willing to
pseudo-love God? What happens if u die first? will they stay with GOd? or just get ‘lost’ again. And if you have kids? Will they end up influencing
them away from God as well? Sometimes human love is a really blinding thing.. and until its not there anymore.. you can’t really see what each other’s real relationship with God is… how would you feel if u realised after 10 years of marriage ur husband really didn’t much give a damn about God and was just playing along?can u face the thought of that person ending up in hell?
very morbid and perhaps jaded out-look you might say.. but isn’t it reality? That’s what getting into a serious relationship with someone i was incredibly fond of made me think about… how much was i willing to give up.
well advice is all im good for anyway.. but from experience i know that pple never listen.
i know i never did..
i came up with every stupid excuse for 2 years…
and even more once it ended for the next year on why i shouldn’t have done it..
but that’s all they were.. excuses..
i’m glad God drew me out of it.. before anything more drastic happened..
everyone’s gotta learn the hard way i guess :
Re: the other side
Im all for what you say.
It all depends on individual’s stands… no point trying to “psycho” each other and convince each other. If one party is a Christian, and truly wants to work his/her own “salvation with fear and trembling”… then I guess he/she shd just turn to the Bible .. the Word of God has every answer..
Beverly, give it a good thought yah? =)
Re: the other side
Yeah I agree with that.. we can’t go and try and convince each other to ditch our beliefs. But it’s SO hard to decide what to do when we love each other and really want to be with each other.. yet our religious beliefs dictate otherwise! I really hope we find an answer.. and sometimes I wish that people were free to love someone else regardless :T
Re: the other side
In that case.. I know its difficult.. but it will have to boil down to only one thing.
Whether the Christian loves the Lord more, or him/her more. And let’s remember.. that our salvation is by grace, unmerited grace. So… it won’t be hard to choose, rather its difficult to carry out or execute our decision or choice.
For me, it would be more like of a battle, between the desires of the flesh, or the spirit…
The Christian shd think hard… and weigh…
Re: the other side
your advice was awesome – what you said is basically what I think too, but couldn’t quite get out. And a lot of what you said is true to me too.. Just as I can’t step away from my entire life (because my religion basically makes up most of it), I don’t want him to convert just for the sake of being together too.. but we talked about it for ages and he said he’ll go to church with me just to check it out, because after all, all his friends are there too so he’ll get to see them. And if he feels it’s really not for him, then at least we can say we explored that option, right?
Re: the other side
from the same guy who wrote the long paragraph:
well i wish you all the best…
it’s the hardest thing to do in the world..
just know there are pple out there praying for you to be strong in your Christian walk 🙂
Re: the other side
Thanks.. 🙂 I really hope we work it out because I do love him but I would also like to be respectful to my religious beliefs as well. It’s nice hearing opinions from other Christians though!
Re: the other side
the message in a service i went to today was by this well known speaker, John Stott.
his highlight was: the mark of the true Christian was his/her willingness to endure suffering for the sake of Christ
not implying anything here.. just sharing…
Do what you have to do for yourselves, if it was meant to be you’ll be back together in time.
its always difficult when both of you come from different countries and different background. i have a close girlfriend who is currently in a long distance relationship with her german boyfriend. she’s working in singapore and she is unable to join him in germany due to family while he is still doing postgrad so it seems unlikely that he will join her in singapore anytime in the near future. it has been hard and recently she has been seriously considering where they are heading. anyway all i can say is i hope everything works out for the best for you and chris. *hugz*
.. and different religions. That’s basically the main reason. Can’t that guy you mention do postgrad in SG, or go to SG afterwards? Chris and I ALSO have the whole cultural/country issues to deal with too, and it just seems like everything’s stacked against us atm and I just don’t know how we can overcome it all 🙁
oh no….
oh my… i’m actually speechless. by reading your LJ, i thought both of you would be the least likely people to break up. this is so sad… just the other day another friend of mine also has to do the LDR thing because one of them can’t stay in Australia. *hugss* hope things get better, sweetie..
Re: oh no….
Yeah.. none of our friends know yet so if we break up it’s going to be “WHAAAAT?!” just because it’s so unexpected. But I’m not sure if it’s right to keep going in a relationship if it’s a dead-end, y’know? Oh, it’s not really a problem of being in different countries, but more of religious differences :T