Pregnancy, Uncategorized “OOPS… DID I JUST SAY THAT?” 26 November 2010

I saw this article online and loved it. I think every pregnant woman out there should distribute it amongst anyone that talks to her. Some of it doesn’t apply to me or doesn’t bug me, but some of them ring SO true!

Best/worst things to say to a mum-to-be

Random belly touching = NO. Would you like it if a colleague or acquaintance started rubbing your stomach with no warning? Yeah, thought so. If you really want to touch her belly, ask the pregnant woman first – and be prepared for her to say no or rub your stomach in return.
–> actually this doesn’t worry me too much. People are just excited/being nice.. I figure if it doesn’t hurt me, why put up a fuss?

Genuine compliments = YES. Every woman likes to hear that she’s looking pretty, and women who aren’t necessarily feeling so great/attractive would like to hear it even more. If she’s looking especially good, tell her so!
–> it’s a real wake-up call when admiring glances from strangers give way to “oh, she’s pregnant” glances once you’re pregnant. To be honest, you feel a bit like you’ve lost a whole identity and gained a whole new one. Chris does a fab job of still making me feel beautiful, but yes, compliments do go a long way 🙂

Implying she’s fat = NO. Chuckling “Sure you’re not having twins?” is not funny. Her doctor will tell her if she’s putting on too much weight or if her baby is exceptionally large. Chances are, you’re not her doctor, so keep your mouth shut.
–> really hate this when people comment “oh you’re giant”, “you sure you’re not due this week?” etc etc, even when they think they’re being reaaaallyyyyy funny. It’s not actually funny, it’s RUDE. I never comment on people’s weight, I don’t see why people should comment on mine, regardless if I’m pregnant or not.

Telling her she looks tired = NO. If a pregnant woman looks tired she probably is tired, so there’s really no need to point it out, Captain Obvious.
–> fortunately haven’t had anyone say this to me (yet), but I would regard it in the same category as the one above.

Telling scary birth stories = NO. Know a woman who had the worst labour in history? Keep it to yourself. Of course, if the mum-to-be wants honesty about your own birth experiences, tell her the truth – but unsolicited birth stories should never be shared.
–> heh I don’t mind this. I’m morbid!

Giving her your queue space = YES. Public toilet lines and peeing every five seconds while you’re pregnant can be a bad mix, so if you’re a woman and see a mum-to-be in the toilet line behind you, be kind and let her in front of you.
–> I’ll be frank, I do judge people that look at my belly, then still refuse to let me ahead of them, giving me a blank stare instead. I immediately think they’re self-focused, rude, and in need a bit of a slap. Perhaps they’re not, but that’s the impression they give me!

Giving up your seat = YES. It’s so simple but clearly very hard for people to remember: it is just good manners to give up your seat on public transport for a tired, hot and uncomfortable pregnant woman. There’s no harm in just asking her if she wants it!
–> needless to say this is true. Same comment from me as the ‘queue’ one above!

Talking about her breast growth = NO. You wouldn’t have brought up your colleague’s/neighbour’s/cousin’s/client’s breast size with them before they were pregnant, so what’s changed? Larger boobs are a pregnancy fact: accept it and move on without staring.
–> I discuss this in-person and in private with friends, but get a bit miffed when people mention it publicly. It’s WEIRD. And creepy.

Telling her what to do = NO. It’s her body and her baby: if she wants a Diet Coke or five biscuits in a row, it’s up to her. Of course there are health guidelines but ultimately it’s the mum-to-be who chooses what she wants to do!
–> one of my biggest gripes. I hate the phrase “You should/shouldn’t”. If you’re not my husband, you’re not allowed to tell me what to do, thanks!

Acting like an expert = NO. “You’ve got ages to go, you haven’t dropped yet.” “Your baby is obviously breech, you’ll need a caesarean.” Mind if we see your obstetric or midwife credentials before we even consider listening to you?
–> no one’s said stuff like that to me yet.. but yes, I can see why that would be a little mystifying 😉

Pampering her = YES. Not every pregnant woman enjoys a massage, but there are lots of other kind things you can do to pamper her. If she’s your partner, even rubbing her feet or shoulders at the end of the day can be heaven.
–> OMG YES YES YES…… Coming out to meet me (even if you’re only a few blocks away), helping me flag a taxi first, warning me of any irregular ground/steps coming up, making sure I always have a glass of water to drink, etc, makes a HUGE difference for me. I do notice and truly appreciate small actions like that 🙂

36 Comments

  • specialagentldy posted on November 26, 2010 at 6:34 am

    “Random belly touching = NO. Would you like it if a colleague or acquaintance started rubbing your stomach with no warning? Yeah, thought so. If you really want to touch her belly, ask the pregnant woman first – and be prepared for her to say no or rub your stomach in return.
    –> actually this doesn’t worry me too much. People are just excited/being nice.. I figure if it doesn’t hurt me, why put up a fuss?”

    You are a good woman. If someone touched my stomach without my permission I would want to punch them in the face. LOL

    Reply
    • beverly posted on November 26, 2010 at 6:38 am

      Heh cos mostly they’re rubbing cos they’re happy or excited for me, so I don’t mind joining in on the lovin’!

      But if they were rubbing me with a bit of a sneer and going “oh wow, you really are a fatty!” I might not be so receptive 😉

      Reply
  • roslyn posted on November 26, 2010 at 6:41 am

    Love this post. Re compliments, I sometimes worry that I’m starting to sound like a broken record with my commenting here – but you really do look amazing! Not just “amazing for a pregnant lady” but really, as beautiful as you’ve ever looked (not about body shape at all, though you carry it well… something about looking serene, or content, or, or… hard to put my finger on it).

    PS. I’m coming home from Honiara for a week over Christmas, I think, so do let me know when you and Chris will be in town…!

    Reply
    • beverly posted on November 26, 2010 at 9:15 am

      Awww you are very nice, thank you 🙂 I think it’s just from me being generally happy we have a baby on the way heh.

      Oh we won’t be travelling for Christmas, def not allowed to!

      Reply
  • babyrussell posted on November 26, 2010 at 7:39 am

    Loved this!

    We think alike. Heh.

    Reply
    • beverly posted on November 26, 2010 at 9:15 am

      Great minds think alike? teeheeee

      Reply
  • Anonymous posted on November 26, 2010 at 8:24 am

    regarding the ‘implying you are fat’ point, perhaps it’s cos you yourself often say you are fat and big and huge even when you were super slim before you were pregnant and are still looking great and in no way fat even when you are pregnant now.

    Reply
    • beverly posted on November 26, 2010 at 9:16 am

      I wouldn’t really classify my pre-preggo self as super slim but thank you 🙂 I suppose at the end of the day I feel it’s OK for me to comment stuff about myself, but not so much when people say it to my face

      Reply
  • rainingumbrella posted on November 26, 2010 at 9:09 am

    Some of these things I didn’t even think of, like looking tired – a lot of people around me constantly look tired (ah, high school) so saying to someone “you look kinda tired” is a common thing. I wouldn’t think that was offensive! 😛

    Reply
    • beverly posted on November 26, 2010 at 9:17 am

      Maybe cos pregnant women tend to be really sensitive about the way they look in general?? Not sure!

      Reply
  • specialagentldy posted on November 26, 2010 at 6:34 am

    “Random belly touching = NO. Would you like it if a colleague or acquaintance started rubbing your stomach with no warning? Yeah, thought so. If you really want to touch her belly, ask the pregnant woman first – and be prepared for her to say no or rub your stomach in return.
    –> actually this doesn’t worry me too much. People are just excited/being nice.. I figure if it doesn’t hurt me, why put up a fuss?”

    You are a good woman. If someone touched my stomach without my permission I would want to punch them in the face. LOL

    Reply
    • beverly posted on November 26, 2010 at 6:38 am

      Heh cos mostly they’re rubbing cos they’re happy or excited for me, so I don’t mind joining in on the lovin’!

      But if they were rubbing me with a bit of a sneer and going “oh wow, you really are a fatty!” I might not be so receptive 😉

      Reply
  • roslyn posted on November 26, 2010 at 6:41 am

    Love this post. Re compliments, I sometimes worry that I’m starting to sound like a broken record with my commenting here – but you really do look amazing! Not just “amazing for a pregnant lady” but really, as beautiful as you’ve ever looked (not about body shape at all, though you carry it well… something about looking serene, or content, or, or… hard to put my finger on it).

    PS. I’m coming home from Honiara for a week over Christmas, I think, so do let me know when you and Chris will be in town…!

    Reply
    • beverly posted on November 26, 2010 at 9:15 am

      Awww you are very nice, thank you 🙂 I think it’s just from me being generally happy we have a baby on the way heh.

      Oh we won’t be travelling for Christmas, def not allowed to!

      Reply
  • distractedfish posted on November 26, 2010 at 2:45 pm

    My super skinny friend would tell me, “Oh you’re quite big! When I was at this stage of pregnancy, no one could tell that I was pregnant!” Grr.. She was the exception though. The opposite (saying that my tummy looks small) is annoying too cos I would worry that the baby wasn’t growing well!

    Reply
    • beverly posted on November 27, 2010 at 12:51 am

      ouccch harsh! But yeah, I think in general it’s better not to comment on a person’s weight – skinny or fat, pregnant or not. Too sensitive an area and too easy to piss that person off 😛

      Reply
  • babyrussell posted on November 26, 2010 at 7:39 am

    Loved this!

    We think alike. Heh.

    Reply
    • beverly posted on November 26, 2010 at 9:15 am

      Great minds think alike? teeheeee

      Reply
  • jzlyn posted on November 26, 2010 at 4:22 pm

    Giving up your seat – this is my pet peeve, as in people in HONG-bleeping-KONG don’t do it often enough.

    The worst ones are the students who are only on the MTR for 2 stops and they aren’t taught enough basic manners to offer up their seats. A clearly married man who doesn’t give up his seat is equally bad – I hope his wife is on the receiving end one day even if it’s only to make him see the error of his way!

    Reply
    • beverly posted on November 27, 2010 at 12:53 am

      Cripes I didn’t know that.. I thought HKers would be a bit more civilized too! You should just tell them straight-up you need their seat 😉

      Reply
  • Anonymous posted on November 26, 2010 at 8:24 am

    regarding the ‘implying you are fat’ point, perhaps it’s cos you yourself often say you are fat and big and huge even when you were super slim before you were pregnant and are still looking great and in no way fat even when you are pregnant now.

    Reply
    • beverly posted on November 26, 2010 at 9:16 am

      I wouldn’t really classify my pre-preggo self as super slim but thank you 🙂 I suppose at the end of the day I feel it’s OK for me to comment stuff about myself, but not so much when people say it to my face

      Reply
  • rainingumbrella posted on November 26, 2010 at 9:09 am

    Some of these things I didn’t even think of, like looking tired – a lot of people around me constantly look tired (ah, high school) so saying to someone “you look kinda tired” is a common thing. I wouldn’t think that was offensive! 😛

    Reply
    • beverly posted on November 26, 2010 at 9:17 am

      Maybe cos pregnant women tend to be really sensitive about the way they look in general?? Not sure!

      Reply
  • distractedfish posted on November 26, 2010 at 2:45 pm

    My super skinny friend would tell me, “Oh you’re quite big! When I was at this stage of pregnancy, no one could tell that I was pregnant!” Grr.. She was the exception though. The opposite (saying that my tummy looks small) is annoying too cos I would worry that the baby wasn’t growing well!

    Reply
    • beverly posted on November 27, 2010 at 12:51 am

      ouccch harsh! But yeah, I think in general it’s better not to comment on a person’s weight – skinny or fat, pregnant or not. Too sensitive an area and too easy to piss that person off 😛

      Reply
  • jzlyn posted on November 26, 2010 at 4:22 pm

    Giving up your seat – this is my pet peeve, as in people in HONG-bleeping-KONG don’t do it often enough.

    The worst ones are the students who are only on the MTR for 2 stops and they aren’t taught enough basic manners to offer up their seats. A clearly married man who doesn’t give up his seat is equally bad – I hope his wife is on the receiving end one day even if it’s only to make him see the error of his way!

    Reply
    • beverly posted on November 27, 2010 at 12:53 am

      Cripes I didn’t know that.. I thought HKers would be a bit more civilized too! You should just tell them straight-up you need their seat 😉

      Reply
  • blairwitch posted on November 27, 2010 at 1:16 pm

    I’m sorry I commented before and said your boobs look fabulous and I’m jealous! Please forgive me!

    Reply
    • beverly posted on November 28, 2010 at 3:52 am

      Aww no it’s ok! At least I know you 😛

      Reply
  • Anonymous posted on November 27, 2010 at 1:20 pm

    dont i always say you look fab for a pregnant lady? lol… and i think ure definitely on the hyperactive side of pregnant ladies. It’s going to be hard not to move so much for the next couple months!

    Li Wen

    Reply
    • beverly posted on November 28, 2010 at 3:55 am

      Hee yeah you’re very nice!
      So bummed I have to take it easy for the next few weeks.. .blehhhhh

      Reply
  • blairwitch posted on November 27, 2010 at 1:16 pm

    I’m sorry I commented before and said your boobs look fabulous and I’m jealous! Please forgive me!

    Reply
    • beverly posted on November 28, 2010 at 3:52 am

      Aww no it’s ok! At least I know you 😛

      Reply
  • Anonymous posted on November 27, 2010 at 1:20 pm

    dont i always say you look fab for a pregnant lady? lol… and i think ure definitely on the hyperactive side of pregnant ladies. It’s going to be hard not to move so much for the next couple months!

    Li Wen

    Reply
    • beverly posted on November 28, 2010 at 3:55 am

      Hee yeah you’re very nice!
      So bummed I have to take it easy for the next few weeks.. .blehhhhh

      Reply

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